The Games Narcissists Play – And How to Take Back the Narrative
If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know their number one goal isn’t just to win—it’s to control the narrative. They manipulate, twist, and distort reality to suit their version of events, thriving on the emotional reactions they provoke. They don’t care if the attention they get is positive or negative; they just want the reaction—the “narcissistic supply” that fuels their ego.
I’ve seen this play out firsthand. Someone I know has spent years dealing with a classic narcissist, someone who lost access to their children due to neglect but still plays the victim and works tirelessly to turn people against the custodial parent. Co-parenting isn’t their goal—winning a popularity contest is. Meanwhile, the real parenting, the structure, the hard lessons that help children grow and thrive, come from the household that provides actual stability.
For years, every interaction with this person was a battle. A single text could spiral into a weekend-destroying storm of unnecessary drama. But over time, a strategy emerged—one that took back control.
At the narcissist’s house, there are no rules, no structure, and no accountability. Every effort to instill responsibility and discipline is undermined in favor of a chaotic, consequence-free environment. Worse, they involve the children in adult matters, even encouraging them to dig for “dirt” to use in a custody hearing that doesn’t even exist. Despite having no legal visitation rights, they are still allowed to see their children—on the condition that they remain sober. Yet, access to the children is not about connection for them—it’s about control.
While many assume the narcissistic co-parent is the father, that’s not always the case. Mothers can be just as manipulative, using the same tactics of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and playing the victim to maintain control. Studies on parental alienation and high-conflict custody battles show that narcissistic traits are not exclusive to one gender—both mothers and fathers have been documented using their children as pawns to punish or control the other parent. The stereotype that only fathers are the difficult, absent, or manipulative co-parents often allows narcissistic mothers to fly under the radar, making it even harder for the custodial parent to expose the truth and protect their children from the ongoing psychological warfare.
How to Handle a Narcissist and Take Back Your Power
1. Starve Them of Their Supply
Narcissists thrive on reactions. If they can’t get admiration, they’ll settle for conflict. The instinct to call out their lies and manipulation is strong—to expose them, to set the record straight. But that’s exactly what they want.
Now, there is no engagement. The gray rock method works wonders—responses are kept short, emotionless, and strictly limited to necessary matters.
Everything else? Ignored. No arguments. No justifications. No fuel for their fire.
2. Document Everything
Narcissists love to rewrite history. That’s why every interaction is documented. Every text, every phone call, every attempt at manipulation—saved and organized.
For added protection, using a court-mandated communication app ensures that every message is time-stamped and trackable, cutting out the back-and-forth nonsense and keeping everything on record. It’s a game-changer.
3. Don’t Try to Change Their Mind (or Anyone Else’s)
One of the hardest lessons to learn? You can’t convince people who want to believe the narcissist’s lies. They have an uncanny ability to gather sympathizers, despite overwhelming evidence of their behavior.
At the end of the day, those who matter—the courts, professionals, and those who actually see what’s going on—know the truth. The only people who fall for their act are the ones who want to.
Let them.
4. Set Firm Boundaries for Yourself
Narcissists push, manipulate, and guilt-trip, but their control weakens when you hold firm.
Years ago, they used the children as leverage, threatening to withhold access to get their way. But now? That power is gone. The rules are clear, and the dynamic has shifted.
The key is understanding that boundaries aren’t about controlling the narcissist—they’re about controlling your own actions. You can’t make them respect boundaries, but you can enforce your own by choosing not to engage beyond direct visitation needs.
Flying Monkeys: How Narcissists Use Others as Weapons
One of the most insidious tactics narcissists use is deploying “flying monkeys”—people they manipulate into doing their dirty work. These enablers, whether knowingly or not, help spread lies, create chaos, and apply pressure to their target.
In this case, the narcissist has weaponized one of their children against the other parent, feeding them false narratives and twisting reality to maintain control. When they can no longer manipulate their former partner directly, they use others as pawns.
And when faced with real consequences for their actions? Instead of taking accountability, they double down.
One narcissist in particular found themselves arrested for failing to pay court-ordered child support, a direct consequence of repeatedly ignoring a judge’s ruling. And yet, in true narcissistic fashion, rather than accepting responsibility, they had the audacity to call their ex, whom they spent years manipulating—to ask for bail money.
Even more outrageous? They even tried to rope in this persons significant other, asking if they could cover it on their behalf. Naturally, the answer was a hard no.
What followed was a predictable storm of outrage—angry calls and texts from their “flying monkeys”, as if she had been personally wronged by a legal system that enforces its own rulings. They blamed everyone except the person who actually refused to follow the law.
Even more absurd? The demand that they reimburse the bail money—using the very child support payments the narcissist had refused to make. The justification? That because their new household had two incomes, they should just refuse to accept the support altogether.
Let’s get one thing straight: Someone who has never financially supported their own children does not get to dictate who should be responsible for them.
Child support will never be used to bail out someone who thinks rules, court orders, and accountability don’t apply to them.
The narcissist’s ultimate goal? To regain power. Even after long absences, they will attempt to reinsert themselves, often manipulating family members or using guilt as leverage.
The hardest part? You can’t force someone to see the truth. Narcissists keep their flying monkeys close and well-fed, giving them just enough validation and emotional fuel to keep them loyal. Until those people wake up to the manipulation, all that can be done is hold firm boundaries, keep the door open, and refuse to engage in their games.
Red Flags: How to Spot a Narcissist in Co-Parenting (or Any Relationship)
•They twist every conversation into an argument or conflict.
•They refuse to take accountability—everything is always someone else’s fault.
•They use people as pawns—control, not love, is their priority.
•They thrive on drama—problems appear out of nowhere, but if you react, suddenly the issue is your reaction.
•They play the victim—always. Even when they’re clearly in the wrong.
•They gaslight. They lie to your face and try to make you question reality.
•They are pathologically dishonest. Even when caught, they double down.
Lessons Learned: The Path to True Freedom
Looking back, the biggest lesson? Peace isn’t given—it’s taken.
Narcissists don’t change. They don’t suddenly wake up and admit the error of their ways. The only way to break free is to decide that their chaos no longer has a place in your life.
You stop engaging. You stop explaining. You stop defending yourself. You stop giving them control.
When they send a ridiculous text trying to start drama, don’t justify it a reaction. They’re predictable. The more they are ignored, the more powerless they become.
And with every boundary enforced, energy, peace, and sanity are reclaimed.
And that?
That drives them nuts.
But it finally gives the people they once controlled the life and peace they deserve.
